:: all I am asking is to be alive for once ::

Memory is the bitter pill. You force it down, but more and more, you want to leave it on the table and walk away and see if you can get through the day without it, because even if it hurts, it's better than having that taste on your tongue, and the side-effects won't be bad if you haven't swallowed it down, and maybe the shaking will stop. But every time you walk away, you come right back, because it's a bitter pill and you might die if you do not take it.

It's a sticky thing. Even if you don't remember exactly what it is that you're remembering, what it is that you want to forget, it's still there, in the back of your head, like a childhood bogeyman, hiding behind the closet door.

I don't regret this. Going home would be a disgrace. My sisters would have to drop out of school, and I would be useless, a lame and crippled son in every sense but the physical, no good for anything. My hands shake too badly to be of assistance to the chemist, the only one employing anyone in my home, and my father has always said I lack the correct temperament for farming.

No, I will not be useless. I will not make my family suffer for my frayed nerves. My superiors may hate me or resent me oh, God, but I hope that they do not but I cannot leave. I cannot.

Please let me remain. Let me make a good impression. Let me recover. Let me not regret this.


- Dieter

He's young. He's eager to please. He's incredibly, incredibly obsessive-compulsive. Beyond that? This boy's a perfect blank - a mystery. Who is he?

And why the bloody hell does he always get stuck with the paperwork?


( The Life & Times )


Birthplace: Dresden, Germany

Family: Mother, Anita; Father, Matthias; Brother, Leon; Brother, Ernst; Sister, Sabine; Sister, Astrid; Sister, Eveline. His brothers are both in the military, and his sister Sabine is a nurse.

Age: 22

Birthdate: August 29, 1918.


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